BULLETIN BOARDS, MINNEAPOLIS - Students, faculty and staff were shocked this weekend to discover their beloved Northern Plight posters ripped from their affixed posts less than 24 hours after being put in place. The popular NCU satire blog received approval on Friday from the Student Life Department to place posters up around school for 2 weeks. So far 3 of those 4 posters have been removed and authorities are stumped as to the cause.
“I just don’t understand why anyone would do this. I spent a long time designing those posters, they even had the new logo and branding I’d been working on.” Explains Marcie Smokingun, lead Art Designer and Promoter for northernplight.com, “They had the stamp from Student Life, my God, they had the stamp!” Smokingun then concluded the interview by bursting into tears, resulting in this reporter feeling slightly anxious since women who cry over little things are uncomfortable to be around.
“At first I thought it was a kidnapping,” added Schroeder Bernstein, also of northernplight.com. “But when no ransom note showed up after a few days, I began to fear the worst. Who knows what those animals have done to my posters!”
As of now, no witnesses have come forward and NCU Security is pessimistic on catching any leads. In an exclusive interview with Officer #7, he revealed “No, we have no idea who ripped down your posters. Stop calling us, ok, this is an emergency number, I told you that already. This isn’t even really our job. No, I’m not going to give you a warrant. And don’t put this on your stupid blog.”
Conjectures abound as to the identity of the poster pirates, but all experts agree on one important detail; whoever it is, they’re probably a jerk.
If you have any information regarding this heinous crime or have seen a big-fat-jerk-face between 5′4″ and 6′8″ wearing an evil smirk and carrying a dead bunny, please notify us at northernplight@gmail.com.
Also, don’t bother sending us tips if you think it was a faculty member. We know they’d never do something this childish. -WOODWARD
Woodward
Bernstein
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 at 10:41 am
“They had the stamp from Student Life, my God, they had the stamp!”
I rarely truly and literally Laugh Out Loud. But this time I totally did.
L O L
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 at 11:37 am
It’s okay. It’s okay. Everyone has their right to deface private property right? Once Student Life stamps any material it becomes an official piece of NCU property.
Hypocrisy is an awesome thing.
So they take it down because they think this blog is demeaning to NCU, and to defend NCU they vandalize the institution they are trying to defend? I insist on anyone who has an issue with the northernplight to please read our About Us page and/or send us an email.
Sincerely,
Schroeder Bernstein
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Could it be that they are, rather, COLLECTOR’S ITEMS? They were not torn down . . . they were carefully removed, placed in a sealed plastic protective case, and will appear shortly on e-bay!
Starting bids?
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 at 10:09 pm
I loved ripping down those posters and I’d do it again! I support the administration of North Central University against the spurious and contemptible maunderings of you niggardly nattering nabobs of negativism! Eat death!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007 at 6:10 pm
I’m still crying, it’s been a hard week.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Don’t let one overly-trendy, early onset balding, man bag holding, acronym spouting, youth leader get you down! After all the average time a youth leader holds a position is less than 9 months… so whoever it was that tore down your posters will probably move away or get interested in some other activity or cause very very soon.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007 at 8:31 pm
What an excellent vocabulary for a youth leader!
…which leads me to believe you are neither a youth leader nor involved in the Youth Ministries program since both groups are notoriously known for their inferior intellects.
Combine that vocabulary with your over-used alliteration and the best grammar usage I’ve seen on this website to date (with the exception of my own, of course), and I’d postulate that you are an incensed unappreciative English major who is just bitter because you didn’t think of creating the Plight first.
Jealousy is an ugly creature, English Major. Don’t fight the Plight, or the Plight might fight back and ruin your pompous rear-end.
Thursday, November 15, 2007 at 12:27 am
Ed … you’re right … you’ve unmasked me - and I’m so ashamed!
Thursday, November 15, 2007 at 1:56 am
“Don’t Fight The Plight”
T-shirt in the making???
Thursday, November 15, 2007 at 10:25 pm
“don’t phight the plight”
Saturday, November 17, 2007 at 2:38 am
I knew it!
I’d probably go for “Don’t Fight the Plight” before I’d put the “ph” in it.
What about the last part, though? I think this would be a good T-shirt:
“The Plight might ruin your pompous rear-end”
…or some derivation of it.
It’s okay, English Major - there’s forgiveness at the cross…or at the Trask Worship Center. Trask himself would forgive you if he could, but since he’s not always around, you can just go to his shrine instead.